The Big Slow

A High-speed Argument for Slowing the Hell Down.

👑 The scene: I’m writing this on three screens while jogging in place and sipping espresso (martini). Also scheduling a dentist appointment, a team sync, Slack notifications blinking in my face and my smart (mouthed) watch just told me to breathe—again—which feels both deeply ironic and like a micro-aggression.

🐢Time to hit pause, Afterall, it’s called The Big Slow.

No, I’m not quitting my job to make sourdough full time. I’m not about to extol the virtues of goat yoga or sell you a linen jumpsuit from a Scandi brand with no vowels. I’m just noticing something weird: everyone I know is tired. Not like, “I could use a nap” tired. Existentially tired. Calendar-fatigued. Burnout-but-make-it-functional tired. Like hide-in-your-car-around-the-corner-from-your-destination tired.

So I’m making the case—quickly, I promise—for the slow movement. For opting out of the dopamine arms race. For walking (gasp!) without headphones. For giving boredom a second chance. Think of it as a TED Talk delivered at 0.75x speed.

We live in a world where efficiency is not just expected—it’s eroticized. There are entire subreddits dedicated to productivity porn. We speed up podcasts and audiobooks to 1.5x so we can “get through” more ideas faster. We call it “life hacking,” but really, we’re just playing Whack-A-Mole with our nervous systems. 🧠

I once microwaved a protein bar because chewing felt inefficient. 😵‍💫

We are not OK.

Slow ≠ Lazy

Let’s be clear: I’m not advocating for apathy. I’m not saying throw your goals in a compost bin and vibe your way into mediocrity. Slowing down doesn’t mean checking out. It means checking in—to yourself, your time, your actual life.

It means maybe not saying yes to the sixth Zoom of the day just because your calendar technically allows it. It means walking the dog without turning it into a cardio session tracked by three apps and a Fitbit that somehow shames you more than your high school P.E. teacher.

The Irony is Delicious

The modern mindfulness industry wants us to calm down—aggressively. Download the meditation app. But don’t forget to track your meditation, rate your sleep, review your stress score. Did you relax the right way? Did you meet your Zen KPIs?

I recently saw a guided “stillness challenge” with a leaderboard. A leaderboard! 🤯A fucking LEADERBOARD – for stillness.🤯

Practicing what I preach – or at least attempting to.

Here’s what happened when I tried to slow down, intentionally, for a week:

• I read an entire article in one sitting (and not on the toilet)
• I ate lunch away from my screen, staring into the distance (confession: thinking about myto-do list)
• I went on a walk without headphones and survived with all cognitive functions intact. (I’m not saying I smiled at passersby, but I was wired into my surroundings, not my fave podcast.

It was weird. Uncomfortable, even. My brain twitched like it was missing a hit of something. But eventually, things got quieter. I remembered what it felt like to hear my own thoughts (again, still in early days of this attempt to slow down so I was thinking about my grocery list!)

Slow Down. Or Don’t. But Maybe, Do.

Slowness isn’t trendy. It’s not sexy. It won’t earn you social media likes or a new badge in your wellness app. But it might keep you from melting into a puddle of frantic ambition and lukewarm instant messages.

Here’s your official permission slip to slow the hell down. For five minutes (shit, start with 5 seconds if you have to). For a walk. For a breath you don’t log.

You don’t need to optimize this moment.
You just need to live it.

Or, you know, read this again—but slowly this time.

🔥 O Rating: 🐢🐢🐢🐢 4 O’s Because slowing down might not be sexy, but it’s definitely necessary. Lost a point for requiring patience.
🌀 Mood O’ the Day: Still. Chill. Just vibing at 0.75x speed. 🐢✨🔕

🧠 Confused by the O’s? Check out the full O Rating Scale →