A High-speed Argument for Slowing the Hell Down.
š The scene: Iām writing this on three screens while jogging in place and sipping espresso (martini). Also scheduling a dentist appointment, a team sync, Slack notifications blinking in my face and my smart (mouthed) watch just told me to breatheāagaināwhich feels both deeply ironic and like a micro-aggression.
š¢Time to hit pause, Afterall, itās called The Big Slow.
No, Iām not quitting my job to make sourdough full time. Iām not about to extol the virtues of goat yoga or sell you a linen jumpsuit from a Scandi brand with no vowels. Iām just noticing something weird: everyone I know is tired. Not like, āI could use a napā tired. Existentially tired. Calendar-fatigued. Burnout-but-make-it-functional tired. Like hide-in-your-car-around-the-corner-from-your-destination tired.
So Iām making the caseāquickly, I promiseāfor the slow movement. For opting out of the dopamine arms race. For walking (gasp!) without headphones. For giving boredom a second chance. Think of it as a TED Talk delivered at 0.75x speed.
We live in a world where efficiency is not just expectedāitās eroticized. There are entire subreddits dedicated to productivity porn. We speed up podcasts and audiobooks to 1.5x so we can āget throughā more ideas faster. We call it ālife hacking,ā but really, weāre just playing Whack-A-Mole with our nervous systems. š§
I once microwaved a protein bar because chewing felt inefficient. šµāš«
We are not OK.
Slow ā Lazy
Letās be clear: Iām not advocating for apathy. Iām not saying throw your goals in a compost bin and vibe your way into mediocrity. Slowing down doesnāt mean checking out. It means checking ināto yourself, your time, your actual life.
It means maybe not saying yes to the sixth Zoom of the day just because your calendar technically allows it. It means walking the dog without turning it into a cardio session tracked by three apps and a Fitbit that somehow shames you more than your high school P.E. teacher.
The Irony is Delicious
The modern mindfulness industry wants us to calm downāaggressively. Download the meditation app. But donāt forget to track your meditation, rate your sleep, review your stress score. Did you relax the right way? Did you meet your Zen KPIs?
I recently saw a guided āstillness challengeā with a leaderboard. A leaderboard! š¤ÆA fucking LEADERBOARD – for stillness.š¤Æ
Practicing what I preach – or at least attempting to.
Hereās what happened when I tried to slow down, intentionally, for a week:
- I read an entire article in one sitting (and not on the toilet)
- I ate lunch away from my screen, staring into the distance (confession: thinking about myto-do list)
- I went on a walk without headphones and survived with all cognitive functions intact. (I’m not saying I smiled at passersby, but I was wired into my surroundings, not my fave podcast.
It was weird. Uncomfortable, even. My brain twitched like it was missing a hit of something. But eventually, things got quieter. I remembered what it felt like to hear my own thoughts (again, still in early days of this attempt to slow down so I was thinking about my grocery list!)
Slow Down. Or Don’t. But Maybe, Do.
Slowness isnāt trendy. Itās not sexy. It wonāt earn you social media likes or a new badge in your wellness app. But it might keep you from melting into a puddle of frantic ambition and lukewarm instant messages.
Hereās your official permission slip to slow the hell down. For five minutes (shit, start with 5 seconds if you have to). For a walk. For a breath you donāt log.
You donāt need to optimize this moment.
You just need to live it.
Or, you know, read this againābut slowly this time.
š„ O Rating: š¢š¢š¢š¢ 4 O’s Because slowing down might not be sexy, but itās definitely necessary. Lost a point for requiring patience.
š Vibe O’ the Day: Still. Chill. Just vibing at 0.75x speed. š¢āØš
š§ Confused by the Oās? Check out the full O Rating Scale ā
